Re-posting my book review from 2yrs. ago

I originally posted this 2 years ago when we 1st started this journey...this book had a huge impact on my life and I wanted to share it again :)

Jill's book reveiw, "There is No Me Without You"
One Womans Odyssey to Rescue Africa's Children by Melissa Fay Greene

Ok so this book kinda changed my life..ok well, the inside of me, like my mind...maybe not outwardly yet.

Anyways I think is should be required reading. Orginally I read it because I heard everyone adopting from Ethiopia 'has' to read it because of the huge history it gives about the country. This book rocked me- I finished it a few weeks ago and I still cry...yes a little peice of my heart is there but I think it should affect everyone. Here's some blurbs that you can ponder on...


(these are various quotes taken from the book)

Dr. Mark Rosenberg
"My colleagues compare AIDS in Africa to the Holocaust. They imagine we will be asked by future generations, 'What did you do to help?'


AIDS- killed more than 21 million people including 4 million children
13 million children orphaned from it..12 million is from sub Saharan Africa. Ethiopia was #2 country hit

25-50 million orphans in Africa alone

The numbers are completely ridiculous- human beings are not wired to absorb 12 million or 25 million bits of information- the ridiculous numbers wash over most of us.

We who have read the histories of the Armenian genocide, and of the holocaust, stalins Gulag, the epic killings in Cambodia, Bosnia, and Rwanda, find our selves once again safely tucked away.


We're not getting it- we'll have a cumulative total of 100 million deaths and infections by the end of the year 2012 and we call ourselves an advanced civilization.

Ethiopia- out of poverty, drought, famine, TB, malaria, HIV/AIDS, autocracy, skirmishes and war...is running low on adults.

ethiopian doctor patient ratio- worst in world...1 to 34,000 people (US is 1 to 142)

Who is going to raise 12 million children?
adoption is not the answer to HIV and aids in Africa...for every orphan turning up in a northern hemisphere learning to rollerblade- 10 thousand African children remain behind.

(Halefom -head of ethiopian childrens commission)
"Adoption is a last resort, historically our country had very few orpahns because orpahned children were raised by their extened families. THe HIV/AIDS pandemic has destroyed so many of our families that the possibility no longer exits to absorb all of our ethiopian orpahns.
I am deeply respectful of the families who care for our children, but I am also very interested in any help that can be given to us to keep the childrens parents alive. Adoption is good, but children, naturally would prefer not to see their parents die."

3/4 of children born to HIV mothers- do not carry the virus (hence the orphan crisis)

(In the US- people are rarely dieing of AIDS now...we have the wonder drugs and people w/ HIV can live long healthy lives- getting married...having children. HIV is no longer a death sentence but a condition you learn how to live with.)

The meds have a 'lazurs effect'- a person can be on the brink of death and within days be practically back to 'normal.'

Patents: (the word now causes my blood to boil) the pattented drugs cost $15,000 per patient per year- although production costs are closer to $200. universl treatment would not be an option for africans.
in fact our govt worked hard to keep prices up by limiting exports to third world countires and vigorousley enforcing patents...their argurment- 'drug firms need the profits to finance the research on new wonder drugs.'
But at what point does the human benefit to desperate, destitute countries outweigh strict adherence to patents and profits?
They blame hurdels of- 'lack of sophistication to manage complex meds.' (sickening)

Our stragedy emphesizes prevention to the exclusion of treatment...ofers no hope to tens of millions of human beings. In fact, it passes a death sentence on them. WE may have to sit by and just see these millions of people die.

both the Brazilian and Indian generic companies signal their willingness to export low cost generic versions of the drugs to poor countries


2006- $275 billion spent on war in Iraq...worldwide aids programs could have been completely funded for 27 years with that amount of funding

Some activists long to see drug industry executives and political leaders-tried for crimes against humanity."

OK- I know this was long...if you read this all...Thanks..I hope your eyes have been opened like mine were...

A step back into time...

I have been spending some time reading our Ethiopian Travel Guide and finding out some really cool information about the area where the girls are from! 

Here's the basics:

Ethiopia is in eastern Africa- sometimes reffered to as 'the Horn of Africa.'  (right of Sudan)

Ethiopia is divided up into several different regions.  The girls live in the northernmost mountainous region of Ethiopia, called:  Tigray.

(we will stay in both Tigray and the Capital city in central Ethiopia- Addis Ababa.)

The girls orphanage is in the city of Mekele, Tigray which also serves as a transit point for camel caravans that bring salt up from the arid land of the Denakil Depression.

The twins do Not speak the national language of Amharic- they speak their regional dilect of Tigrinya.

Tigray:

The way of life evokes images of Bible times. Camels, donkeys, and sheep are everywhere. Fields are plowed using oxen.

The Orthodox Church is a large part of the culture for the large majority.. A distinctive feature of Tigray are its rock-hewn churches.

they are often located at the top of cliffs or steep hills.

The soil has been depleted by many centuries of cultivation; water is scarce. Using methods that are thousands of years old, farmers plow their fields with oxen, sow seeds and harvest by hand. The harvest is threshed by the feet of animals. In the home, women

use wood or the dried dung of farm animals for cooking. Women often work from 12 to 16 hours daily doing domestic duties as well as cultivating the fields.

Each family—some with eight or more children—must provide all of its own food. The women perform all work necessary to prepare the meals from grinding the grain to roasting the coffee beans. Children carry water in clay pots or jerry cans on their backs.  Where there are many, among the most challenging has been that only about 54% of the population of Tigray has had regular access to safe drinking water.  Additionally, there have been boarder disputes with Eritrea

The country houses are built mostly from rock, dirt, and a few timber poles. The houses blend in easily with the natural surroundings. Many times the nearest water source is more than a kilometer away from their house. In addition, they must search for fuel for the fire throughout the surrounding area.  Marriages are monogamous and arranged by contract, involving a dowry given by the bride's family to the couple.

Coffee is a very important ceremonial drink. The "coffee ceremony" is common to the Tigrians. Beans are roasted on the spot, ground and served thick and rich in tiny ceramic cups with no handles. When the beans are roasted to smoking, they are passed around the table, where the smoke becomes a blessing on the diners.  (very much looking forward to their coffee :)

The Tigrinya have a rich heritage of music and dance, using drums and stringed instruments. Most people in Tigray still wear the traditional dress.  We are told that the Tigray region is among the most vibrant and astounding historical components of Ethiopian culture and history! 

(in the pre-orphanage photos we have of the girls- they have these similar typical ornate hair styles...in more recent photos the braids have been taken out)

So if you got anything from this history lesson  than you would recognize that basically our girls will be going through a time warp!

 From Bible times to the suburbs of  the American 21st century.  I can easily start freaking out on behalf of them already BUT I keep on reminding myself  that God is in control.  He chose these girls for our family...quite knowing we live in a 'different world.'  Culture Shock is expected but so is God's power and healing....

Thank you for your continued prayers for them.

Thank you all so much for your generosity-
miraculously the adoption if paid for (beacause of you!) and we are starting fresh with the travel funds- please continue to spread the word, you never know who may want to play a part in this!  http://www.acharityproject.com/f/7forseats

Waitng for a Court date!

Signed the official referral papers of the twins!!!

Yeah! The 'hoop jumping' is over and this week our Mt. of paperwork will be submitted to the Ethiopian courts.  We now just sit tight and wait for them to give us a court date.  Once we recieve our court date it basically means- hey be here on "this day."  THe last family who recieved their court date had only a 2 week notice before they had to fly! 

This trip in NOT where we bring the girls home.  We meet them, bring them photo albums of our family- with pics of their room and our house to they could visually get aquainted w/ what's to come.  We'll play soccer with them and the other kids and basically have a lot of jittery, awkward moments!  I'll somehow finagle measuring shoe and clothes sizes on this trip so I will have a better idea of what to have ready for them.  We go to court in Ethiopia and officially become their parents.  BUT we cant bring them to the US until their Visa's are issued....and that takes 1-2 months. 

In another world if we had no other children that needed  us at home- we would LOVE to take the girls out of the orphange and stay together at the guest house for those 1-2 months while we wait for their visa's. 
But that's not quite possible...so like the majority of adoptive families...we make 2 trips.

Oh my goodness...I just CANT WAIT! 

So what's next?

*  We are in the process of signing 'official acceptance' papers for the girls.

Because we changed our child age request we had to once again take online classes on adopting older children, answer twenty something crazy ?'s such as, "what would you do if....(insert nightmare style-worst case scenario stuff.)"  And they don't take- 'cry- pray- call your friend' as acceptable answers.   So after staying up till 1 am finishing this  and then realizing the next morning that your document wasn't saved to only have to stay up to 1 am again the next morning finishing the scary homework! 

Then someone from our adoption agency will call us this week to interview us and basically see if we can be scared out of this- they want to make sure we know what we are doing- seeing how we have never parented children older than 8yrs.  (hmmm...I was never contacted when I was pregnant to make sure we knew what we were doing...most people don't have a clue right?!) 

After we sign those final papers in a week or so- we pay the  final adoption bill.  We have received a $3500 Grant from Steven Curtis Chapman's Orphan Ministry, 'Show Hope.'  (YAY!!) And with the money we originally raised for our plane tickets- we can pay for the sibling fee also.  Double Yay, AMAZING!!!  God is so awesome  :)

THEN- our paperwork get's submitted to the court in Ethiopia and we Wait to be given a court date!  Court dates can come as quick as 4-6 weeks!  That would be our first trip- possibly by the end of July!

BUT...courts close in Ethiopia from August 1st through the end of September (rainy season.)

IF we don't receive a court date Before August 1st than we cant go until October when they re-open!  Ugh.  We are right on the brink- we have been moving papers- overnighting and expediting things as quickly as possible...we shall see- pray with us that we can go before the long court recess!!!!

My brain has been spinning.... paperwork... craigslist searches for bunkbeds...paperwork....11 year old stuff...constant emails... re-reading medicals...paperwork...fundraising flights...thinking of box-springs/mattress's/ bedding x2....standing in Sova Grace's room trying to envision the best way to set up the bedroom...oh yeah- back to homeschooling (check the calendar...are we almost done yet?  regretting all those 'skip' days?  ummmm...no.)  staring at the twins pictures-forcing myself to stop staring...doesn't work...fundraising flights... taking webinars on how to braid hair...oh my- that's gonna take some time- yikes...and...breathe!

Many  know that I actually Love the whole experience of having a baby- including labor and delivery- I know I'm weird...that's one reason I was hesitant to adopt a few years ago because I love the process of having babies. But maybe that's another reason why I love adoptions too...it's a realllllly long pregnancy- I feel like I have been pregnant for 2 years- and now all this final paperwork and crazy stuff is like nesting.  I'm spinning in circles trying to get things in place but it's so exciting.  Adoption is definatly a labor of love including the intense pain at times...but the end product is always the same...a child enters a family...just really big twins this time around with the perk of coming home potty trained  :)

Please continue sharing our link with friends or through FB

                                                to help us bring our daughter's home!
                                                                    Thank you!

                                        http://www.acharityproject.com/f/7forseats

Some big- no...Really Big News!

Breaking news but be warned: we haven't been hacked and we have not lost our mind  :) 

We are adopting a sweet 11 year old girl...but wait there's more...literally more...because ya see there's 2 of them...yup the Turner's are adopting twins! 

It took me a few days to get scraped off the floor but now we are bouncing of the ceiling with joy!  For the love- you have to read the story behind this because you cant even make this stuff up!

******************************************************************************
Everyone knows we have been waiting a very long time for this adoption thing to actually work (you know- a child come's to your home)

Well, even without having met these girls we would have waited all over again!  I know some may think that we just got tired of waiting for a 'little one' but we would say yes to these girls a thousand times over because we are that sure of the fact that God wants them in our family....and so, with no further wait, I give you:

            

               "The proof we aren't nut's, wouldn't you have said yes too?"

One lovely day I felt like I should advocate on facebook for a few sibling groups that our adoption agency was having trouble finding homes for.  (note so self:  don't ask others to do something that you yourself think is a bit nuts...good thing they weren't triplets;)

3 days later- woke up with a huge burden to pray for the adoption.  I didn't even know what I was praying for but if felt like a battle call.  I felt God was saying, 'keep praying, break through, I'm really doing something here!'

THAT afternoon we received an email from our agency.  They sent us information on the twin 11 year old girls from Ethiopia-because they knew we were open to 'older children.'  I thought, 'yeah...a five year old...and that's singular.'  But my heart did skip a beat and I must admit something drew me to them...but I quickly clicked off.

That SAME afternoon (you remember... the one where God told me to pray cuz he's doing something)  we got a letter from US Immigration stating that our forms to bring an orphan into the country was sent back to us because they saw a few mistakes. The 'overlooked' mistakes included: our child age request was worded wrong, they told us to go back and have our social worker fix the wording on our AGE request AND whether we were approved to adopt a single child or Multiple children! (yeah...you could say it was about here where God got my attention)  These 'mistakes' should not have been overlooked by so many.

I went back and read the girls background information and that's when my heart felt it's first tug.

BUT- I knew it was not for us because we wanted to honor the kids feelings- I knew they did not want older siblings...Jacob (8) was adamant about this from the start.  Well you guessed it...when I mentioned the girls to them they jumped up and down begging us to adopt them- they were relentless and non stop about if for days- which shocked us. They immediately acted crazy writing letters to them for, 'when they come.' The kids wrote the date down, 'to tell the girls when we first knew they were our sisters.'  Jacob slept with their picture for 2 days and they literally would not stop talking crazy talk such as, 'how are we going to tell them apart?" and I may or may have not yelled, 'they are not your sisters!"  You see, God used each of our children to speak to us in our adoption decisions...and they were starting to make me nervous.

The plan all along was that we were going to take Jacob with us to Ethiopia. We thought it would be an awesome opportunity and life changing-his 1st mission trip. ...he has been looking forward to this for so long but he offered to give up his plane ticket, 'so my sister can come home- I'll give it up!!'

It was all it bit much- not the children's crazy reaction- but all the other stuff even before this.  Even though it was crazy...Mike and I talked about it- what this would look like, what would this mean for our family and the 10 good reasons why this was a bad idea.  But then we prayed about it- we gave it to God- and said, 'this certainly looks like you are trying to get our attention here- and even though you pulled some crazy stuff off to make us even consider twin 11 year olds...you have to 'pull out all the stops' on this one!  We'll be open...but you have to be REALLY clear on this one God!"

(this is where it get's Really good)

 The next day I saw a friend of mine who had NO idea of what was going on.  She was uncomfortable with what she had to tell me but she said she had been wanting to tell me something for a while.  She said, ' Several months ago I felt God speak to me concerning Jacob going to Ethiopia- I heard him say that Jacob should not go to Ethiopia.  A few months later it happened again- I heard, 'Jacob should not go to Ethiopia'- I felt uncomfortable telling you this because he was so excited!  BUT then...' a couple weeks ago, I was praying when Jacob just popped into my head- then I heard God say it again, 'Jacob should not go to Ethiopia because his plane ticket will be used for another child.'  Then she heard him speak, 'There is another child" over and over in her head.

I'll pause here for a moment to let that sink in...

AGHHHHH!!!! 

 I found it amazing that God gave us such awesome undeniable clear confirmation...he obviously knew we just needed to hear it point blank.  The best part of it all is that he used her in perfect timing.  He spoke to us first- we were totally feeling it- but it was just so scary to us that we needed that boost of faith to step out in!

2 more crazy things:  To adopt a sibling the fee's are drastically reduced- the additional fee's that we would have to pay to adopt the twins is: $3500

Remember our '7 for Seats fundraiser' going through facebook?  (the one I started because I felt that we needed to 'prepare' even though we didn't have a child match yet?)  Yeah well can you guess how much we raised so far?  You guessed it: $3500

I now know that God inspired me to set that up so that we would be ready and have that fee.  (Yes, please don't point out to me that we are now starting fresh with the travel funding...you can bring that one up to God please)

Last crazy thing (for now):

a friend of mine reminded me of  what may be just coincidence but for me it's another wink from God....

last year for my birthday she gave me a willow tree set of  those family figurines.  She gave me 2 boys, a girl, and she said she couldn't find any singular babies....so she bought me a set called 'Twins' with 2 children in it.  We put one child away and I laughed saying, 'I always wanted twins!' and she laughed back, 'hey, ya never know, maybe that was prophetic...'  I'm sure God was laughing with us saying, 'If you only knew!"

So in conclusion:  Mike and my conversation that changed the course of our family and grew us from 5 to 7 went something like this: 

 We have tons of reasons why we can say no.  We thought this through- we know this will NOT be easy.  We are going to be dealing with a scared, culture shocked, non-English speaking, grieving, pre-hormonal girl -Times Two.  We can say no and stick to our plan and wait for a younger child to come along- and I'm sure it will all be good.

BUT we both know that would not have been the actual Plan A for us- God's plan.  He made it so clear to us and even gave us the desire for this- it was just all the earthly fears that swarmed us.  But we know that God's plan is greater than mans, and his grace is sufficient.  We choose God's will for our lives...because we know that's were we will find the most joy and blessing and where we will see his glory be made known on Earth the most.  Bring it on!

                          

Psalm 68:5

Father to the fatherless, defender of widows—
this is God, whose dwelling is holy.
 God places the lonely in families;

Helen and Jerusalem we are coming! 

PS.  We now  have an 'updated' version of  $7 for seats....Please pass it on through your circle of friends and networks, we truly appreciate it!

check it out: http://www.acharityproject.com/f/7forseats

update

Wow, it's been a while!  I think I've been avoiding this blog because of the lack of anything interesting to say!

We are still #3.  We were #4 for a few months and then bumped up one in November.

Here's the scoop if your interested, from my adoption agency on WHY there is no movement:

"To answer another of your concerns about pushing orphanages to get paperwork completed faster, it is much more complex than filling out papers. That process for our families in the US is fairly straightforward. In Ethiopia an orphanage may have to send staff out many times to distant locations to try to reach people in person to gather information. I remember talking to a social worker at one of the orphanages we work with about his job. He shared that he had to take public transportation (which would often take an entire day) across his region to try and locate a specific family member. No addresses. No telephone. Just finding people by word of mouth. It may take many days and weeks of attempts. They may need to arrange to have that person brought to a specific office for testimony more than once. They may be ill, or not available to travel any time soon. It can take a great amount of time for just one encounter to occur. There are multiple interviews and people to locate. Perhaps one social worker is responsible for many, many families and has to travel repeatedly to other areas to see adoption authorities. They may have to wait for a doctor to come to town to examine a child. What are simple blood draws to us may be taken great distances to a lab that will process them. And they are slow as obtaining the results is never fast. They are working with such limited resources that nothing functions there at all like it could here. Things are not a phone call away, or an hour away by car. The social worker I talked with told me about the constant roadblocks and difficulties they have to gather the needed information and the time it takes to do it successfully. Again, I liken it to the many, many months it can take a family to go from the start to the finish of their own adoption paperwork processes. Except when in Ethiopia, I see it as happening as if moving through honey. It takes a lot of patience!




Another challenge we experience is that our families are accustomed to how things work in developed countries and the mindset that goes along with that. Planned meetings and timeframes. An email away, or Fed-Exed overnight. As a culture Ethiopians get things done when they get done. They may have a goal for something to be done in a couple of weeks, but if a couple of months pass, that is nearly the same. To push for a specific time frame with so many challenges and pitfalls and limited resources they know nothing can be promised nor deadlines easily met. Nor do I see them striving to live like that. They are more relaxed and do move forward and are doing so at their capacity. However when interfacing with what we know is possible in the West, it is hard for families to understand or imagine this. Their mindset is not the same as ours. So unfortunately the preparing of a child’s legal adoption documents is not one of only papers needing to be filled out but most are fraught with complicated information gathering with limited resources in which to do it. Thus the waiting until it is done for each child. "

WOW!  That put it pretty plainly to me.  I cant imagine that the social worker has to track down each child's info like that.  Insane...just actually recieving a child's refferal now will look like a  miracle in it's self after learning how they have to track down this stuff!

It will happen!  Praying for some forward movement!  My heart is learning a lot through all this and I'll never regret a minute of it.