"Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls knows that we know, and holds us responsible to ACT"...Proverbs 24:12

Sunday, September 29, 2013

1 year ago!

 6 mos. ago....
 how fast they grew up!!!

 1st day Home!

 (what memories come back when I look at this picture!  SO many emotions!  It's so funnny to hear the twins version- Helen says that she had to pee so bad she almost pee'd her pants but she didnt know where the bathroom was and Jerusalem told me that she was scared of Sova because Sova was staring at her with her 'big huge eyes'- LOL!)

 Phew! We made it!  ;) 
There's nothing magical in the 1 year mark but I found myself repeating this phrase over 200 times this past year:  "It hasn't even been 1 year."
 I used this phrase in good times and in bad, such as:  'wow, they are fluent and it hasn't even been a year' or, ' don't worry hunny, it hasn't even been a year yet."

We have conquered all holidays and birthdays, snowy days and heat waves, sick days and hyper days,  sad days and happy days. 
  Looking back, they have seen and experienced more new things in 1 year than probably all of us!
  Here's a few of the firsts:  seeing snow/ sledding, swimming-being in a pool, seeing the ocean, using an elevator, 1st time they tried sports- tennis, basketball, pingpong, bowling, football, 1st time on a team (soccer), trampoline, dentist, riding a bike, piano, rides at an amusement park, having siblings, using the computer, flying a kite, having a dad, trying hundreds of new food items, learning a new language- the list goes on and on....basically the only thing that was NOT new to them this year was the fact that they had eachother!

The girls are very excited that they have been here for a full year because from now on there wont be too many huge surprises and uncertainty- it will be SO nice to finally reference something to something that they have already experienced!  The charade day's for the most part are over- although there is not a day that goes by where they don't understand at least something that we are talking about- or have some type of miscommunication thing going on.

  Sadly, they rarely speak their language Tigrinya to eachother!  I almost never hear it anymore but I don't know how many more times I can explain to them how special that is and they will regret loosing it- during the school year I implement, 'Tigrinya Fridays' where in order to be finished with school they need to write a few sentences in Tigrinya and read it to me.  It was like pulling teeth!  In a way it's comical because that was one of the biggest concerns from many people-'how will you communicate?!'  Several months later they are being forced NOT to use English on Friday's schoolwork ;)

If you have followed my blog, you may have noticed that I dropped off the planet for the last 1/2 of the year.  Yes, the Turner's summers are B.U.S.Y and that may be part of the reason for lack of updates.  Another reason, one that I have trouble even typing right now- but I was encouraged by a friend that I should be honest sharing not only the ups- but the hard things too and I must agree- because it's not a good thing when people 'romanticize' adoption...all adoptions stem from a severe loss.

So alas,  the 'honeymoon' was over.

 The honeymoon in the adoption world can range in time span but in essence it is the happy, fun, blissful new things that your adopted children and family are experiencing together.  We had about 7 months of this- granted- nothings perfect- but it was a sweet time.   

*cue honeymoon music w/ birds chirping in the background and only sweet giggles:


Then...not sure what happened- that warm May weather brought something else to this household!  Could have had something to do w/ us ending school- no schedules- too much freedom- busy busy go go fun...could have been these new strange things invading their bodies called Hormones (oh my- I had NO idea...and I know that sounds strange coming from a female but...oh mercy...I get it now- I joined the club- I have pre-teen daughters)

After the honeymoon- reality sets in.  Normally that would entail- power struggles, fear, grief, ect. 
We went thru power struggles, fear, grief, and did I mention Hormones... all  X 2. 

Without details- I was straight up exhausted.  The only way I can explain it is that I felt that I was doing 24/7 ministry.  For over a month I would collapse on the couch in tears- going over in detail to my dear husband all the hard and awful things of the day.  I shared my woes about the children and the woes of how I may have ruined them all.

It was not a happy place.
  But whenever I had my little melt down- we always prayed specific prayers over the kids and any situations.  No joke- I really thought the girls were listening to us  because on several occasions- is was- BAM- next day- testimony of an answered prayer...

One night we barely said- 'amen' and a child yelled for us because she wanted to get something off her chest- something that we literally just spoke minutes ago to God. 
I am totally in awe of how much God takes care of the details- he REALLY never leaves or forsakes us!
 He clear as day told us to adopt the twins- so now he is proving to us that he is clear as day going to help us parent them!  

So, are we still in this hard place?  
 I feel like shouting to the roof tops:  "God is SO Faithful!"

In such a short period of time God has done reconstructive surgery on some broken hearts.  He has healed, and restored, he has set free.
 Literally, nightmares, night sweats are gone, the fear and anxiety are fading.

One has looked up at the stars at night and started crying because she felt overwhelmed by God's love for her. 
They tell me that they act different now. 
They both have been in bad fights- gone to the hospital from fighting in Ethiopia....my mama bear brain does not even compute that!
 My highly sensitive girl told me she used to not feel pain or care when people were mean- now she can't handle even the thought of us being upset at something she did!  The way they think changed and one has expressed her desire to go back and tell many people that she is sorry! 
1 went from believing nobody loved her to being the biggest lovey buggy ever.
 It's a strange place to stand in when your daughter- thru sobs of loss and grief- tells you that even though adoption is hard- she is glad that we adopted her- because then she would never have us as her mom and dad.

So yes...these past few months have been hard...umm...the Hardest of our Lives! 

But when I hear these literal words:

"mom, I don't know why I hug you so much!  Whenever I see you I just have to hug you- it's like I have a magnet in me to you!"

"It's so awesome I have a dad- ever since I was little I prayed for a dad- I would see families at church and get sad- now I have the best one!"

"I don't know why, but I always want to tell you everything- I used to not tell anybody anything- but I always want to tell you everything."

sigh...."Brothers are so weird" ;)

"mommy, I used to be so mean in Ethiopia, I didn't care about anyone.  Now...when I do the same thing...I FEEL SO BAD!  When I say something mean now- I go in the bathroom to wipe tears from my eyes because I feel so bad and wish I didn't say that- in Ethiopia I didn't care...I don't understand why I changed- but now I feel so sorry when I do something wrong!" 

My little girl that is what we call 'JESUS.'    

Adoption is not cute and fuzzy
1 year home is nothing magical

Reality is this:

Jesus said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
2 corinthians 12:9

 "I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." 
 romans 8:38-39 


Leah Good said...

I've missed your blog posts so much, Mrs. Turning. Thanks so much for sharing. Keep up the good work. <3

Kerry said...

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Love you!